Ok let me start by saying that I do understand people make comments not meaning to make you feel bad. I know everyone just wants to try to help with advice and the ” my friends/sister in law/ cousin/best friends aunt “-success stories, but it’s a lot more complicated then that. I’m blessed to have people in my life who try to be supportive but I’ve also had a few who say some really hurtful stuff. It’s hard to understand where I’m coming from, I’m sure since- I literally have no one in my real life who can relate to our infertility.
Here are 5 things that have been said to me that I vow to never ever say to another sister who has to be put through this:
1. ” Have you tried timing sex?”
Well, yes! When you’re not fertile mrytle- you obsess over your infertility including- timing sex and tracking your ovulation. I’m infertile not ignorant… I know what I’m supposed to do, to get pregnant. If only it was as easy as “timing it.”
2. “Have you though about adoption? ”
Yes. There are many children who deserve a loving home. One we can provide but see.. It’s not as easy as you think. To give up trying to have your own flesh and blood as your child and not having your genes carry on after you’re dead and gone. Plus adoption doesn’t guarantee a child. That could be something even more emotional that you have to consider. It doesn’t mean I’d never adopt because I would and want to later down the line. I want my experience in delivering a baby!
3. ” Dont stress, it affects your body”
Easier said than done! Relax and let go is something you try to do just about everyday. Of course you’re right but I feel like even when I’m not thinking or obsessing about it, I’m still sitting here with an empty womb.
4. ” Try IVF”
First, can we borrow $12k? Because that’s how much it costs. Second, it doesn’t guarantee a baby. Look at Guiliana Rancic- she had two rounds of IVF and before her third she found out she had cancer. She miscarried the first time and had to use a surrogate anyhow due to her breast cancer. And please don’t suggest a surrogate! Lol. It doesn’t guarantee it’s going to work the first time or the other times, either.
5. Best for last…. ” It’s going to happen when it’s supposed to happen”
This one hurts me the most. Am I not good enough now for a baby? Are me and my husband not supposed to be parents yet? It’s almost like you’re nicely saying we’re not good enough or fit to be parents.
What bothers me the most is seeing these crazy ladies killing their babies, or abusing their children. So they’re supposed to have kids but I’m not?
With Mothers Day up the street- be kind to those women who WANT to be a mommy. Who WISH they were being celebrated that day.